March 2022, a message popped up in the WhatsApp group for the people that live in my building, requesting this…

“Hello’ totally random question … but does anyone know anyone who would want to adopt a cat? I’ve old and very loving and calm, it’s my sisters but she can’t have pets where she is moving too and is being collected from London on 9th April, no worries if not! He’s cute and called Wicket”

I replied and stated my interest. And on April 9th 2022 Wicket came to live with me. I was given very little information about him, just that he was an older cat, he liked to be hugged and was a lap cat, he had been “fixed” and was an indoor cat. When he arrived all he had with him was a litter box, a few pouches of wet food and no litter. And since then he has been my creature and actually pulled me through some pretty dark times. We have bonded. I know what he likes and dislikes. I know when to recoil when he’s about to bite me for being pissed off from too much attention. He knows when to back off when I am at my social capacity. Then again.. He may just like me so much cause I feed him. I mean… He’s a cat. They see humans as servants. I bought him toys he doesn’t play with and I invested time and attention. I have made sure he’s been vaccinated and microchipped. He is registered to me.

So for the first few months B and her sister were slightly involved. B only lived downstairs and she would sometimes come in and feed him when I was at work and asked if she could spend some time with him every now and again, and once her sister came to visit him. Then B moved out of the building. I sent her a WhatsApp message asking about previous Vet info so I could pass it on to the new vet. She never replied. I couldn’t message her sister, because I have never had any contact with her. So I left it. This was around May time… He needed to have recent boosters cause he had to go into a cattery. So that was that. So imagine my surprise when yesterday B sends me a WhatsApp message with the gall to ask this…

“Hello! Hope you are okay, Thank you for looking after wicket, my Autistic sister who was experiencing homelessness is now getting back on her feet and it has taken a lot longer than planned, but she soon going to be in a position where she can be reunited with wicket again and have him living with her again, please let us know how best to facilitate this, we understand that you might need a couple of months to prepare and say goodbye to him, we do appreciate all of the love and support you have given him and E (my sister) would like to say a big thank you”

I was astounded, utterly gobsmacked that anyone could even have the nerve to ask such a thing.. So I put the message out there on my family WhatsApp group asking their opinion. My sister S said …

“I would either ignore it or reply with : I believed me taking the cat was a permanent arrangement and so have treated wicket as my own pet for almost 2 years paying for food, his vet bills and medical treatment as any pet owner would. There has been absolutely no interest in wicket and no response to any requests from me for information regarding his previous healthcare. No suggestion to indicate that this was anything other than a permanent arrangement.”

My sister L chimed in with…

“This is disgusting! S’s response is perfect. The only other thing to add is that wicket is very happy and settled with you. Moving him would cause him distress which you are not prepared to do”

So I chose to ignore it, because that is what I do. I have been learning through my DBT sessions that when I am confronted with fear, or panic or discomfort. I hide from it. I am not a confrontational person anyway. I can’t hold myself up when pitted against confrontation. So I did what I do best. I ignored it, and let it be. Then later B sent me the same message this time in the form of a text message. S asked me if I had replied, I said no, I hadn’t, but I think I am going to have to, and she agreed. So I replied with S’s words to which B replied with…

“Hello, Thank you getting back to me, I am really sorry that I had to send that message, it was the wording from my sister who is / was really struggling at the moment and very fixated on wicket and I have explained that you took him in to adopt him and all of the love money and support you have given him since you got him, but I agreed that I would ask, but explained we don’t know what the response would be. Sorry I don’t think I’ve had a message about the previous information about him? But I did delete WhatsApp for a while and didn’t use it. We are happy to repay you all of what you have paid and spent on him, which I know was done out of love, at the time we asked for some own to take him in, we weren’t sure what would happen at the time as to hate to mention it but she was suicidal for months and is now looking better and has been really focused on getting him back, she’s had him since she was 14 and says all she has done to get well was to get him back, I’ve explained what when someone agreed to take in a pet but she doesn’t seem to understand and is utterly heartbroken at the idea of not seeing him again, I’m sorry for this message out of the blue but wanted to reach out and open the conversation“

Then I redirected B to her original message and her wording of it. Where in no case did it imply this would be a temporary situation. B answered back…

“It was the original case, but things changed very quickly and it’s been a very traumatic set of events. I understand 1000% where you are coming from and this is out of the blue, we’ve talked about getting another pet or kitten or anything but she is completely heartbroken and doesn’t want to go on life without him, or id never ever ask something like this of anyone. She is very autistic and has severe mental health which none of this is your responsibility or anything like that, but I want you to know the reasons I’m asking aren’t just “oh she’s changed her mind” it’s been a lot of different circumstances and she was under the impression it was only temporary. I really would never ever ask this from anyone and know this must be traumatic for you too“

I have stopped responding at this point. It is not over I know, but I couldn’t continue to listen while she emotionally blackmailed me. Maybe her sister is severely autistic, I don’t know I have never conversed with her. Maybe she does have serious mental health issues. But I do too, but I am not about to use that as a weapon over the custody of the creature. I am torn. I am livid they would even ask a thing, yet I feel like maybe I should take the higher ground here. Don’t get my wrong I don’t want to give him up. I don’t want to put even more upheaval into his little furry brain. How is it fair on an old man like him to have to move to another home again? And get to know his previous owner who he probably doesn’t even remember.

My family and the few friends I have online have all suggested the same thing, that he is my creature now, and that’s the end of it. Someone suggested that since I never paid for him, legally I don’t have a leg to stand on, but I don’t know about that. I am heartbroken that I may lose him. What is that saying? If you love someone let them go?

I know he’s not a child, and this would never end up in a bitter custody feud where the kids get stuck in the middle, and even if he was, I wouldn’t let that happen. I would probably just hand him over. I don’t know what to do..

For all his annoyances and biting and scratching and clawing into me just cause he wants to sit on me.. I love him and I know he loves me. He knows when I am sad and depressed and one time when I was on the phone to the crisis team being talked down from suicide. He stayed with me and he was the reason I pulled back. But none of that matters, because B has an autistic sister who is heartbroken and didn’t understand what the word “adopt” means.